MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER

If you decide to play matchmaker, there are a few things to learn before taking on this noble, but delicate profession. I have successfully matched-up four couples, but have been the unfortunate victim of many well-intentioned, lousy matches.

Rule number one: When you propose a match, be ready and prepared to move forward, don’t raise an expectation and then let weeks or months go by. If you have an intention then follow through on it, it’s cruel to give someone hope and then sit on it. Why mention it at all?

Rule number two: Gather crucial information before they meet, and don’t dangle the carrot unless you are sure it’s worth dangling. When a couple is meeting for the first time it’s already fraught with expectations and fears, don’t make the initial meeting more difficult by glossing over facts about physical appearance, marital history, mental illness, addictions, etc. It all matters, and will come out eventually so, be honest!

Rule number three: Don’t project your stuff. If you are married or in a partnership and uncomfortable with the idea of being single, don’t act like you’re saving lives. Alone doesn’t imply loneliness. The fact that you know two people who are single isn’t enough of a reason to bring them together. Most single people enjoy their alone time, they just don’t want to make a steady diet of it. Don’t assume they are desperate and just anyone will do.

Rule number four: If at all possible, propose the idea to the man first. If a man feels pushed into it, or doesn’t have any control he will probably not like the situation. Let him decide how to proceed and follow his directions. Also, find out if he is ready to invest in a relationship or just looking for a bootie call. (You’re a matchmaker, not a pimp) If you don’t know him very well, it’s not a bad idea to do a back round check. Ask yourself, would I date this guy?

Rule number five: There might be a reason or two your friend is single, don’t make pity a reason to find them a mate. Make sure they are fit to handle the responsibility and commitment of a deeper connection. “We love him/her, can’t you?” is not a reason to dump this person into a match.

Rule number six: If you have feelings for the person you are matching but you are not available, do not fix them up with a close friend. It’s a recipe for disaster and jealousy. Make the match and get out of the way or don’t even start the ball rolling.

There are a lot of wonderful single men and women looking for a healthy relationship, but their paths just don’t cross. It is a kind and loving gesture to help them find each other. Treat them with respect when playing the role of matchmaker because, given the probability of relationship failure and divorce statistics, someday, it could be you.