Before the recent elections, I received a call hoping to confirm my vote. The candidate's campaign slogan was, "Standing up for (Our) Families." So I asked, "What about the people who are not familes - what about me?" How often are we asked to contribute to organizations to help children, from diabetes research to hot lunch programs. A society that puts such incredible value on marriage and reproduction should wonder why these groups need so much help. Gee, maybe it's more expensive and difficult than people realize, and perhaps a couple's financial situation should be considered when making the choice to multiply. I have never heard anyone say they couldn't afford children. And how about the mental stability or intelligence of the parents? Sure, every baby is cute, but bringing one into a family that can't take care of it properly, isn't. Is there an assumption that singles are throwing away their paychecks on frivolity rather than responsibility, and if you chose to have children you can be as irresponsible and unqualified as you want? No matter what though, our government is looking out for families and their children.
Financially, a single, self-employed woman loses on every account. No spousal contribution, no children to write off, no insurance, and an unpredictable income. Not having children of her own, she is asked to donate money to someone else's. Who's standing up for her during the economic collapse? Are singles ever acknowledged in the desperate times arena? If making a family wasn't on the pedestal, maybe the decision to create them would be taken more cautiously and seriously.
Furthermore, I would love to chat with the, "Standing up for (Our) Familes" canidate and clarify that being single is not necessarily a default position. (Although it might have been for him). Being single does not always mean, "not being chosen" or "still waiting to be married or with child." It's time to get comfortable with the idea of single people. The ingrained fear of being unmarried and childless distorts the reality of a great single life.
My content single friend Shelly sent me this link to an article by Eleanore Wells. Her yet-to-be-published book about being single and child-free is called, "The Spinsterlicious Life."
I couldn't have expressed it better: http://womensvoicesforchange.org/child-free%e2%80%a6-or-just-free.htm/comment-page-1#comment-76493
Cherrie: Thanks so much for the "shout out" in your blog; it's much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your comment about this ongoing assumption that we should support other people's children. (I don't know if you saw my recent, somewhat humorous blogpost on this topic: http://www.thespinsterliciouslife.com/2010/11/girl-scout-cookies-and-other-woes.html)
The tide seems to be turning a bit, though. Lately, I've seen and read a lot more about people proudly making the decision not to have children. Maybe the rest of the society will one day come to know what we already know: having kids ain't for everybody...and it's okay
Hear, hear! And while we're on the subject, let more people please recognize that just because you're cohabiting with someone, doesn't mean either of you is desperately hoping to get married one day...
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